Managing the Stress of the Wedding Industry

WeddingPlanner Magazine | SUMMER 2021

FEATURE | DEALING WITH CLIENT STRESS

MANAGING THE STRESS OF THE WEDDING INDUSTRY

As wedding planners we know that some clients have difficult situations. The pandemic has shown that wedding professionals are being tasked to deal with stressful situations for their clients. We sat down with Dr. Kate Cummins, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, to discuss this issue.

What are some tips on how wedding planners can work with couples that are facing family dynamic issues?

Family dynamics, and especially dysfunctional dynamics, are a part of any high stress life event. Wedding planning is a great example of how dysfunctional dynamics will show up, because often.times people have expectations of what they think a wed.ding should be, how it should look, details it should include, and these details are normally family member.

For example, a challenging MIL to be may have had her idealized vision of who would be invited or col.ors to be used for her sons wedding way before the bride to be was brought into the picture. When the bride to be starts planning her wedding, she may get critiqued for choices because the choices are different than the expectations of the MIL. These expect.ed issues and dysfunctional dynamics are quite common and its important to remind couples that this is a common issue that happens with most wedding planning.

As a wedding planner, the more you normalize family dynamic stress as a part of the life event, the more at ease the couple should feel. Wedding planners should make it known that their clients, the couple, are the ones in charge. Remind your couple that at the end of the day, the weddings ownership is in the hands of the couple. If the couple’s goal is to make their extended family happy, then the priority should be able others goals, but if the couple wants their wedding to be about their own goals, as a wedding planner it’s important to instill empowerment in the couple so they make choices based on their own needs.

What are some of the ways a wedding planner can help a stressed out couple regarding their wedding, besides taking stress off of the planning?

Create purpose for the couple. Task them with things that make them happy about their wedding so that their focus is turned towards positive problem solving rather than emotional or relational stress-ors. Remind them through visualization that at the end of the day, their special day will go exactly as they want it to. Do this by asking them to visualize the end of their wedding day and what emotions they want to feel connected to during this time.

Remind them that the details, stressors, family dy. at this present time will be a thing of the past as they march towards the end goal of having a successful wedding day, and remind them that they will be in a place of contentment and happiness at the end of their wedding day. Help them take ownership. Even if extended family members are paying for the wedding or making a lot of the decisions about the wed.ding, remind the couple that this life event is about them, which will help them create emotional ownership of the big event.

Wedding planners are notorious for taking things personally, especially when it comes to clients, how can they avoid being brought into the drama or stress that a couple is expressing?

It is normal to take things personally as a human. We live in a society where be.ing wanted and liked is a high.ly desired status symbol, and also makes us feel emotionally stable and good. Our value comes from others accepting us and appreciating our work. In addition, as a wedding planner, one is naturally an excellent problem solver due to the high demands of making changes when problems present themselves, so wedding planners are also used to being well liked.

As a wedding planner, remind yourself over and over that the tense and high emotions have nothing to do with you. Remind yourself that no matter how amazing of a per.son you are, couples who are  stress onto others in order to not have tension in their relationship, so unfortunately you’ll likely be triangulated. Having the knowledge that this will happen, and anticipating it to happen can help you problem solve in your own thoughts and let go of feeling responsible for the issues and drama that shows up.

At the end of the day, a wedding day is a life event that  meaning and joy in the lives of the bride and groom. It is a privilege as a wedding planner to gift your expertise and resources to couples who need the talents that you have to make their day one of the most meaningful days that they will ever get to live.

Remind yourself as a wedding planner over and over that this is ultimately the job that you get to have and you are who the couple has chosen to help them walk through the challenges of planning to make this day one of the best of their lives!